WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

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[drone]

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♫ Myself I shall adore
♫ If I persist in gazing

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♫ If I persist in gazing

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[drone]

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♫ In ga-a-a-a

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[drone]

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♫ Ga-a-a-a-a-azing

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In 1989 a sex researcher named Ray Blanchard
published a controversial, provocative, politically

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incorrect theory claiming that transgender
women are not, as custom has it, essentially

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female souls accidentally born in male bodies.

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Instead, he claimed, they are men of two types:
gay men who love straight men, and straight

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men who love themselves.

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For the latter condition, Blanchard coined
the term "autogynephilia," new Greek for love

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of oneself as a woman.

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It’s a theory that contradicts what almost
all trans women say and believe about themselves,

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and affirms the common prejudice that trans
people are really just sex perverts, which,

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okay, some of us are, but not for the reasons
Blanchard says—

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♫♫♫

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1: Just What the Hell do I think I’m doing

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Rest assured, in this video I am going to
argue that Blanchard’s theory is false.

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But a lot of trans women are probably nervously
wondering why I’m using my platform to potentially

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increase awareness of a sinister fringe theory
that only adds to the stigma we all already

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face.

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After all, “autogynephilia” gives scientific
legitimacy to our culture’s most twisted

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misrepresentations of trans women.

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“Would you fuck me?”

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“I’d fuck me”

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So it’s understandable that to a lot of
trans women the prospect of this concept gaining

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cultural traction is pretty terrifying.

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However, I respond that, as one of YouTube’s
leading B-list transsexuals, I’ve had several

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conversations with academics and journalists
where it’s become clear that they in fact

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believe in Blanchard’s theory—even if
the cowards won’t admit it to my face.

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So as I see it the damage is already done,
and what’s needed now is an accessible,

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convincing refutation of the theory.

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I hope this video will accomplish three things:
1 persuasively argue that the wrong theory

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is wrong, 2 account for how a wrong theory
became so influential and 3 move beyond some

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of the platitudes about trans people and open
up a deeper discussion about what it really

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means to be transgender.

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Socrates—you know the drill.

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2: Blanchard’s Typology

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The mainstream scientific view, endorsed by
the World Professional Association for Transgender

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Health, the DSM-5 and most practicing clinicians,
is that trans people transition primarily

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to alleviate gender dysphoria.

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Gender dysphoria is a state of social, emotional,
anatomical, sexual, spiritual and sartorial

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angst relating to one’s assigned birth sex,
which is mostly relieved by socially and

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medically transitioning to the gender of one’s
psychological identity.

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This is what motivated me to transition, and
I endorse the mainstream scientific view.

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However, sex researcher Blanchard has a different
theory.

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According to Blanchard, trans women are driven
to transition primarily by sexual motivations.

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He didn’t really bother to think about trans
men or non-binary people, so you all are excused.

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You can grab a beer and just laugh it up.

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Blanchard claims that trans women can be divided
into two types of... men—and yeah, I know, just

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hold your objections for the end.

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The first type are the homosexual transsexuals.

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These gay boys cannot get enough dick.

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And who can blame them.

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[slurp]

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Essentially the HSTSs are naturally effeminate
gay men, who transition because 1, society

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is more accepting of them as women than as
very effeminate men and 2, becoming women

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is a good sexual strategy for them since they
do better as women in the heterosexual dating

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market than as male femmes in the masc4masc-dominated
gay scene.

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The second type of trans women are the autogynephilic
transsexuals.

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These inscrutable perverts can apparently
get off just by looking in the mirror.

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“I’d fuck me so hard.”

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Blanchard describes autogynephiles as straight,
bi, or self-avowed asexual men—it doesn’t

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really matter because their primary sexual
orientation is misdirected inward, leading

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to paraphilic sexual arousal at the thought
of being or becoming women, which is their

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true motivation to transition.

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Now I’m going to argue that this theory
is wrong, but first I want to acknowledge

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that there seems to be some observational
validity to the claim that trans women tend

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to fall into one of two clusters of correlated
traits.

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I’ll replace the stigmatizing terms “HSTS”
and “autogynephile” with more neutral

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language, let’s say Cluster A and Cluster
B.

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Cluster A trans women are mostly androphilic—that
is, attracted to men—they transition relatively

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early in life, and are very effeminate as
children.

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Cluster B trans women are mostly gynephilic—attracted
to women—transition relatively later in

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life, and have outwardly boyish childhoods.

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When I first thought about this typology,
it initially seemed pretty valid.

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I went through the mental list of trans women
I know and found I could pretty easily sort

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them: Cluster A, Cluster A, Cluster B, Cluster
B.

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But as I’ve thought about it more it’s
partially unraveled.

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Without even leaving my own circle of acquaintances
I can think of a trans woman who followed

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all the Cluster A patterns but now dates women,
and a trans woman who followed all the Cluster

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B patterns but now exclusively dates men.

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So while I think there may really be two genuine
trends here, I interpret them simply as correlation

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clusters that get fuzzy around the edges.

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Blanchard, however, takes HSTSs and autogynephiles
to be two sharply distinct types, with completely

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two completely different psychosexual motivations to transition.

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And this is what I strongly disagree with:
the notion that male homosexual strategy or

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autogynephilic lust are the primary motivations
to transition, and I have a lot of backup

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here since trans women almost universally
reject this characterization of their experience.

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Now, you’d think that’d be a major problem
for the theory, but fortunately Blanchard

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has an airtight response to that, namely
that trans women who disagree with him are

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fucking liars.

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I mean that’s really the scientific ideal,
isn’t it?

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A theory that cannot be falsified.

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It’s perfect.

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3: The Man Who Would Be Queen

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Blanchard’s theory likely would have been
glanced at by a handful of sexologists before

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fading into the endless sea of forgotten academic
publications had it not been given a major

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publicity boost by J. Michael Bailey, a Northwestern psychology professor who endorsed Blanchard’s

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theory in a 2003 pop science book titled
The Man Who Would Be Queen.

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Great cover, Bailey.

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Very controversial, very provocative, very
politically incorrect.

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I have been triggered.

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Well done.

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Now Bailey, I read your book which, considering
how much I enjoy your cream, was just amazingly

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bad.

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The Man Who Would Be Queen is a frightening
book for trans women, because it is acutely

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transphobic, but also kind of vivid and well-written,
and it introduced a wide audience to Blanchard’s

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typology.

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The first two parts of the book describe homosexual
transsexuals, including Bailey’s and his

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male research assistant’s observations that
they’re super fuckable and natural-born

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sex workers.

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“I start upstairs to get the panoramic view
and I see Kim for the first time, on the stairs,

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dancing, posing.

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She is spectacular, exotic (I find out later
that she is from Belize), and sexy.”

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“Her body is incredibly curvaceous, which
is a clue that it may not be natural.”

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“And I notice a very subtle and not-unattractive
angularity of the face, which is also not

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clearly diagnostic on this tall siren.

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It is difficult to avoid viewing Kim from
two perspectives: as a researcher but also

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as a single, heterosexual man.”

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Wow, Bailey.

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Great science writing.

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When he’s done drooling all over the homosexual
transsexuals, Bailey moves on to autogynephilic

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transsexuals, focusing almost entirely on
a single case study of a trans woman he calls

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Cher, whose backstory is a stomach-churning
nightmare of auto-erotic mania and transvestic

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masturbation.

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Bailey describes how Cher made videos of herself
wearing female masks and vaginal prosetheses

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while receiving anal sex from a
sex robot of her own construction all to the

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accompaniment of a Donna Summers album and
the moaning audio from a porno film.

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It honestly sounds like something I would
do in a video as a joke.

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So well done, Bailey.

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You found an honest-to-god pervert.

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And look, as a performance artist, I love
the sex robot.

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I admire it.

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I want it in my life.

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But as a transsexual.

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I mean Bailey—this has nothing to do with being
trans.

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You just found a—you just found a person who built a
sex robot.

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That’s not how Bailey sees it though.

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He upholds Cher as an exemplary case of an
autogynephilic transsexual, claiming that

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Cher’s sexual fetishism is typical of the
motivations of all trans women who are not

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exclusively attracted to men.

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So Bailey’s telling is that autogynephiles
are these unfeminine male masturbators

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showing up to gender clinics with bogus stories
about how they always knew they were women

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in order to get genital reassignment surgery
to satisfy their paraphilia.

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Now what’s striking about this to me is
that even for a defense of Blanchard’s theory,

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Bailey’s account is more lurid and grotesque
than it needs to be.

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Bailey likes to think of himself as a dangerous
libertine philosopher pursuing the light of

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truth wherever it may lead, unrestrained by
conventional morality and political correctness

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alike.

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You’re so filthy.

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But what does the unrestrained pursuit of
truth look like?

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What objective methodologies does Bailey employ?

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Well, for the most part, it seems like he just goes to gay
bars in Chicago and chats up trans women,

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turning these stories into case studies
for his book.

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Sounds like an awful lot of fun for scientific
research.

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You need a research assistant Bailey?

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The Man Who Would Be Queen is filled with
sentences like

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“There is no way to say this as sensitively
as I would prefer, so I will just go ahead.”

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Alright you edgy fuck, let’s hear it.

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“Most homosexual transsexuals are much better
looking than most autogynephilic transsexuals.”

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We appreciate the feedback Bailey, we
really do.

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But is this science?

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It’s effectively a straight cis man announcing
his discovery that young straight chicks are

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hotter than middle-aged lesbians, and trying to pass
it off as a valid empirical observation.

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And like the pop science cishet men have written
over the past century regarding the nature

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of females and homosexuals, their observations about trans women are lacking some

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vital perspectives.

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This is what we “postmodernists”
mean when we complain that science often privileges

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a white cishet male perspective.

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It’s not that I hate men, or male sexuality,
I just hate that the male sexual perspective

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is so powerful that it gets to call itself
science.

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It’s not that there is no objective truth,
it’s that this represents a very narrow

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window on it.

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Wouldn’t anyone care to hear a different
perspective?

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Well, how about mine?

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4: My Perspective

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From my perspective, Michael Bailey is a lecherous
edgelord.

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He’s a man who, when I was a student at
Northwestern, was mostly famous for the fucksaw

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incident.

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Google it.

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Of course that doesn’t mean that the fundamental
claims of his book aren’t true.

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Even if we could prove that Bailey gets together
every weekend with Blanchard to sacrifice

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a trans baby to Beelzebub, it would still
have no bearing on the scientific correctness

00:11:35.110 --> 00:11:37.470
of the theory, which might still be true.

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The problem is, it isn’t true, which I’ll
argue at length in a moment.

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But first, it’s worth noting that the theory
has gained acceptance among a non-trivial

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number of academics and journalists, largely
because 1 it’s often presented as the only

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supposedly “scientific” alternative to
mushy platitudes about women born in mens’

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bodies and 2 many trans women have reacted
to Bailey and Blanchard with extreme vitriol

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and personal attacks, resulting in the widespread
perception that a bunch of triggered PC cucks

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are throwing a narcissistic male entitlement
temper tantrum because Bailey and Blanchard

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accurately called them out as paraphilic fetishists.

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In her 2015 book Galileo’s Middle Finger,
bioethicist Alice Dreger championed Bailey

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as the undeserving victim of a hysterical
SJW lynch mob.

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But she gets so caught up in exonerating Bailey
of the personal accusations against him and

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in telling a bigger story about academic freedom
and how scientists are being silenced by PC

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cucks, that she doesn’t bother to check
how good Bailey’s science really is, and

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ends up affirming the autogynephilia theory
herself.

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Now I’m certainly not gonna deny that trans
people on the Internet can behave like a bit

00:12:40.650 --> 00:12:41.930
of an angry mob.

00:12:41.930 --> 00:12:46.360
In fact I may be on the receiving end of one
of those myself in about 20 minutes depending

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on how this video is received.

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But there’s not exactly a shortage of sleazy
passive aggression from the Blanchard and

00:12:51.940 --> 00:12:53.100
Bailey camp either.

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Blanchard is known to seek out and comment
on pornography made by his detractors, and

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Dreger is an advocate of the “narcissistic
rage” theory of trans backlash against Bailey.

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Remember, according to autogynephilia theory,
many trans women are erotically fixated on

00:13:07.269 --> 00:13:11.630
themselves, from which a dishonest person
can make a conceptual leap to saying that they’re

00:13:11.630 --> 00:13:16.019
narcissists, and hence any trans woman who
raises her voice in this conversation is accused

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of exhibiting narcissistic rage emanating
from her wounded male ego.

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Furthermore, like so many other professors
in recent academic freedom controversies,

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Blanchard and Bailey being ruthlessly “silenced”
by PC cucks has not really gotten interfered

00:13:29.670 --> 00:13:33.949
with their academic careers, nor their continued
authority to misrepresent people with less

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power than them.

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This of course assumes that autogynephilia
theory is a misrepresentation of trans women,

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and that’s really the crux of this whole
drama isn’t it?

00:13:42.410 --> 00:13:46.650
So let’s just leave the drama behind and
dive right into that question, pursuing the

00:13:46.650 --> 00:13:51.769
pure light of truth, as we always do on this
channel relying only on the facts, the figures,

00:13:51.769 --> 00:13:53.319
the scientific studies.

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Just kidding, if you want to read a scientific
argument against autogynephilia, read Julia

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Serano’s article “The Case Against Autogynephilia”
which pretty much sums it up.

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Because I know you didn’t click on this
video because you wanted to hear about science.

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You came here because you wanted filth, and
I’ll give you filth, Bailey.

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I know that’s what you want.

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And I want to give you what you want.

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I want to give it all up for you.

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5: The False Dichotomy

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Filth is coming, don’t worry, but before
we get there there’s one more thing we need

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to discuss.

00:14:27.390 --> 00:14:31.110
Advocates of Blanchard’s theory pretty much
unanimously introduce the theory as if it

00:14:31.110 --> 00:14:35.700
were the only possible alternative to what
is called the feminine essence theory.

00:14:35.700 --> 00:14:40.360
The feminine essence theory says that trans
women are female souls in male bodies, that

00:14:40.360 --> 00:14:44.389
we are women from birth to death, and that
transition is merely an effort to make our

00:14:44.389 --> 00:14:47.629
accidental exterior match our essential interior.

00:14:47.629 --> 00:14:53.290
People like Dreger will tell you that trans
activists dogmatically adhere to this theory,

00:14:53.290 --> 00:14:57.470
and that anyone who challenges it will be
pursued by a ruthless witch hunt.

00:14:57.470 --> 00:15:01.990
And of course, the only way to challenge it,
we’re told, is to defer to Blanchard’s

00:15:01.990 --> 00:15:05.259
typology of homosexual and autogynephilic
transsexuals.

00:15:05.259 --> 00:15:09.850
Now I object to this framing of the discussion,
because I don’t believe in Blanchard’s

00:15:09.850 --> 00:15:12.050
typology or the feminine essence theory.

00:15:12.050 --> 00:15:15.319
There is no feminine singularity that made
a me woman from birth.

00:15:15.320 --> 00:15:19.520
I wasn’t born a woman, I was born a fucking
baby.

00:15:19.520 --> 00:15:20.899
Just like everyone else.

00:15:20.899 --> 00:15:24.310
There’s no such thing as a feminine essence
or a masculine essence.

00:15:24.310 --> 00:15:29.420
There is only biology, habitual behavior,
and the way society responds to you, all of

00:15:29.420 --> 00:15:33.290
which can be changed quite a lot, and all
of which are currently changing for me.

00:15:33.290 --> 00:15:36.759
Now there is an emotional appeal to the feminine
essence theory.

00:15:36.759 --> 00:15:41.670
I think most people have gender essentialist
intuitions, and I admit I do feel on

00:15:41.670 --> 00:15:45.069
some level that I’m supposed to be a woman by
nature.

00:15:45.069 --> 00:15:46.569
And in a sense that may be true.

00:15:46.569 --> 00:15:51.220
I don’t think I chose to be trans, and it
seems likely that something inherent in my

00:15:51.220 --> 00:15:56.079
biology and psychology led me to transition,
but that’s not the quite the same thing

00:15:56.079 --> 00:16:00.180
as essential womanhood, which intellectually
I don’t think makes sense.

00:16:00.180 --> 00:16:02.079
I think it’s heartwarming gibberish.

00:16:02.080 --> 00:16:07.100
But there is also, I think, a legitimate role
in the discourse for heartwarming gibberish.

00:16:07.100 --> 00:16:11.899
Sometimes you have to explain what being trans
is to a person who believes that dogs go to

00:16:11.899 --> 00:16:12.899
heaven.

00:16:12.899 --> 00:16:17.290
And in most circumstances saying “I’m
a female soul in a male body” gets the point

00:16:17.290 --> 00:16:18.290
across.

00:16:18.290 --> 00:16:19.720
Not all language is philosophical.

00:16:19.720 --> 00:16:24.439
It’s a lot easier to explain what being
trans is in essentialist terms, because to

00:16:24.439 --> 00:16:28.829
explain what being trans is without gender
essentialism requires a whole deep philosophical

00:16:28.829 --> 00:16:32.259
discussion that most people simply aren’t
up to having.

00:16:32.259 --> 00:16:36.329
But the useful platitudes become a problem
when more analytically minded people start

00:16:36.329 --> 00:16:40.010
putting these things under the microscope,
and then they end up concluding that trans

00:16:40.010 --> 00:16:43.040
people are just fetishists telling lies about
themselves.

00:16:43.040 --> 00:16:47.270
So you’re probably wondering, if I’m not
a fetishist, and not essentially a woman,

00:16:47.270 --> 00:16:48.959
then why am I transitioning?

00:16:48.959 --> 00:16:53.639
Well I keep saying this, but dysphoria really
was the primary reason.

00:16:53.639 --> 00:16:57.890
And shortly before I transitioned I made a whole
video about that if you’re curious.

00:16:57.890 --> 00:17:01.019
You have to keep in mind that transitioning
is not just for the bedroom.

00:17:01.019 --> 00:17:05.350
When you decide you’re going to live as
a woman you have to do it at the grocery store

00:17:05.350 --> 00:17:10.180
and on airplanes and at Thanksgiving dinner
with your family if you even still have a

00:17:10.180 --> 00:17:11.180
family.

00:17:11.180 --> 00:17:15.070
It’s kind of hard for me to imagine why
someone would do that just to gratify a masturbatory

00:17:15.070 --> 00:17:16.070
urge.

00:17:16.070 --> 00:17:19.870
That said, is there at least some sexual aspect
of being transgender?

00:17:19.870 --> 00:17:21.840
Well of course there goddamn is.

00:17:21.840 --> 00:17:26.270
How could an adult decide to switch genders
without there being some connection to sexuality?

00:17:26.270 --> 00:17:30.003
The problem is autogynephilia is not a good
description of that connection in most cases.

00:17:30.003 --> 00:17:33.350
And it certainly isn’t in my case.

00:17:33.350 --> 00:17:37.400
But I’m a 29-year-old transsexual with a
history of dating women, and cross-dressing

00:17:37.400 --> 00:17:39.760
in erotic situations no less.

00:17:39.760 --> 00:17:42.920
According to Blanchard’s theory I am therefore
an autogynephile.

00:17:42.920 --> 00:17:45.230
It seems that I have some explaining to do.

00:17:45.230 --> 00:17:47.580
Well, here’s where filth comes in.

00:17:48.280 --> 00:17:51.060
6: ContraPoints: An Erotic Life

00:17:51.060 --> 00:17:55.220
Come one come all to the gender circus with
your host Natalie.

00:17:55.220 --> 00:17:57.360
Step right up you filthy freaks.

00:17:57.380 --> 00:18:01.420
One of the reasons it’s difficult for trans
women to refute Blanchard’s theory is that

00:18:01.430 --> 00:18:05.840
even arguing against it from your own experience
is incredibly humiliating and degrading and

00:18:05.840 --> 00:18:06.840
invalidating.

00:18:06.840 --> 00:18:10.930
Fortunately, I happen to have no sense of
dignity or self-respect whatsoever, so I’m

00:18:10.930 --> 00:18:12.630
willing to take one for the team here.

00:18:12.630 --> 00:18:17.170
Get your clipboards out, gentlemen, I want
to make this as easy as possible for the psychoanalysts

00:18:17.170 --> 00:18:18.170
at home.

00:18:18.170 --> 00:18:19.170
[static]

00:18:19.170 --> 00:18:21.220
I was born in 1988.

00:18:21.220 --> 00:18:25.980
As a small child I was not especially feminine nor especially masculine.

00:18:25.980 --> 00:18:30.710
I was not interested in sports and was just
kind of physically inept.

00:18:30.710 --> 00:18:34.310
My main childhood interest was music, and
I learned several instruments.

00:18:34.310 --> 00:18:40.170
In early adolescence I was misdiagnosed with
OCD, the primary symptoms being spending too

00:18:40.170 --> 00:18:44.200
much time in the shower and too much time
styling my hair.

00:18:44.200 --> 00:18:49.160
My sexual development was kind of late, and I never
masturbated till I was 15.

00:18:49.160 --> 00:18:55.210
And I didn't fantasize about having sex with women,
or with men, or even about becoming a woman.

00:18:55.210 --> 00:19:02.640
My fantasies were kind of Platonic almost. I would sort of fantasize about women but in a very abstract kind of way.

00:19:02.640 --> 00:19:07.440
An early romantic disappointment involved
my realization that women would never be attracted

00:19:07.440 --> 00:19:10.940
to me in the same way that I was attracted
to them.

00:19:10.940 --> 00:19:15.491
In my late teens and early twenties I was
a long-haired, smooth-chested androgyne, which

00:19:15.491 --> 00:19:16.660
suited me wll.

00:19:16.660 --> 00:19:21.340
It was around then  bthat I first cross-dressed,
when a woman I was seeing asked if she could

00:19:21.340 --> 00:19:25.040
dress me in her clothes and do my make up.

00:19:25.040 --> 00:19:27.300
God yes, I said.

00:19:27.300 --> 00:19:31.040
Throughout my twenties I was on and off in
relationships where there was this feminization

00:19:31.040 --> 00:19:32.130
dynamic.

00:19:32.130 --> 00:19:35.830
More women are into feminizing boys than you
might think.

00:19:35.830 --> 00:19:41.000
When I was feminized we would make out and
not do anything penetrative, just sort of,

00:19:41.000 --> 00:19:43.020
little proto-lesbian things, you know?

00:19:43.020 --> 00:19:47.500
Now some women I was with were not into that,
and some would practically lock their underwear

00:19:47.500 --> 00:19:49.780
drawers when they found out I had done it
in the past.

00:19:49.980 --> 00:19:54.080
There was one period where I cut my hair short
and quit that altogether, but it didn’t last

00:19:54.080 --> 00:19:55.820
more than a couple years.

00:19:55.820 --> 00:20:00.600
When I had regular heterosexual sex it was like my soul had to leave my body

00:20:00.600 --> 00:20:03.630
in order for me to 
to get the poison out, as I thought of it.

00:20:03.630 --> 00:20:07.150
The cross-dressing was never a solo or masturbatory
activity.

00:20:07.150 --> 00:20:10.740
There was always a partner, or sometimes
several partners.

00:20:10.740 --> 00:20:13.340
Bailey are you paying attention to this? This is for you.

00:20:13.340 --> 00:20:17.600
What I liked about it was the way that dressing
like a woman changed the way partners interacted

00:20:17.600 --> 00:20:20.700
with my body, how they would kind of treat
me like a woman.

00:20:20.820 --> 00:20:24.520
I fully acknowledge that a lot of the feminization
was pretty fetishistic.

00:20:24.520 --> 00:20:27.800
There was a lot of short dresses and thigh-highs,

00:20:27.800 --> 00:20:32.150
And occasionally also a a BDSM submissive
aspect.

00:20:32.150 --> 00:20:36.961
But over time I realized that the fetish aspect
wasn’t really what I liked about it.

00:20:36.961 --> 00:20:38.920
It wasn’t humiliating for me to be feminized.

00:20:38.920 --> 00:20:40.280
It was affirming.

00:20:40.280 --> 00:20:45.860
And one day I kind of realized that I didn’t
actually want to be feminized at all; I wanted to

00:20:45.860 --> 00:20:47.140
be feminine.

00:20:47.140 --> 00:20:51.420
In my mid-twenties I first really started
paying attention to trans women and thinking

00:20:51.420 --> 00:20:53.350
about transitioning myself.

00:20:53.350 --> 00:20:57.680
But I thought that since I didn’t “feel
like a woman” that I never would, and I

00:20:57.680 --> 00:21:01.360
thought that I would never pass and that
I would just be a hideous parody of womanhood.

00:21:01.360 --> 00:21:06.110
Then about a year ago thanks to this amazing
online queer community that we have now, I

00:21:06.110 --> 00:21:08.530
started developing more positive thinking
about this.

00:21:08.530 --> 00:21:12.830
I’ve always looked a little bit younger than
my age, but last year I also started noticing

00:21:12.830 --> 00:21:16.800
the first signs that I was going to age into
the body of an older man.

00:21:16.800 --> 00:21:19.920
And that triggered really intense gender dysphoria.

00:21:19.920 --> 00:21:23.810
At the same time I realized that I would need
to transition to have any hope of a genuinely

00:21:23.810 --> 00:21:25.290
genuinely fulfilling sex life.

00:21:25.290 --> 00:21:28.630
And at that point the need to transition felt
so urgent that I could not wait.

00:21:28.630 --> 00:21:34.640
So I got Internet hormones
from the Republic of Vanuatu and I started taking those in August

00:21:34.640 --> 00:21:39.920
until I could get a prescription at an informed
consent clinic, and since then my life has

00:21:39.920 --> 00:21:41.160
drastically changed.

00:21:41.160 --> 00:21:43.300
I live as a woman full-time now.

00:21:43.300 --> 00:21:48.270
And most of the changes aren’t sexual, but the
hormones certainly do have sexual effects.

00:21:48.270 --> 00:21:51.220
I now find myself attracted to both women and
men.

00:21:51.220 --> 00:21:56.220
And the mere visual image of a woman no longer turns me on the way it did.

00:21:56.220 --> 00:22:00.390
Instead I need there to be a kind of interpersonal
connection.

00:22:00.390 --> 00:22:04.160
I don’t masturbate at all, and I haven’t
come in months.

00:22:04.160 --> 00:22:05.270
Someone please fuck me.

00:22:05.270 --> 00:22:09.510
I guess the critical thing is I’ve been
wearing women’s clothes, my clothes,

00:22:09.510 --> 00:22:14.720
for seven consecutive months, 
and I have been turned on by it for zero percent of the time.

00:22:14.720 --> 00:22:18.190
So the idea that I’m some kind of transvestic
fetishist is ridiculous.

00:22:18.190 --> 00:22:22.070
And I'm not turned on by the mere idea of having a female body either.

00:22:22.070 --> 00:22:24.430
I mean, when there's developments, I’ll
check it out.

00:22:24.430 --> 00:22:27.480
But I’m not like "ah yeah I have tits now that’s
so hot."

00:22:27.480 --> 00:22:30.000
I mean it’s kind of hot.

00:22:30.000 --> 00:22:34.680
But it’s more about other people being into
it is about me being into it.

00:22:34.680 --> 00:22:38.060
So as always my sex drive is directed outward
at other people.

00:22:38.060 --> 00:22:43.070
The sexual aspect of my transsexuality is
not about the target of lust being directed

00:22:43.070 --> 00:22:49.650
inward, it’s about me wanting my sexual encounters
to occur from the standpoint of a female body,

00:22:49.650 --> 00:22:52.120
or you know, at least as close as I can get.

00:22:52.120 --> 00:22:56.590
And since I started hormones it’s about
my sexual desires coming from this psychologically

00:22:56.590 --> 00:23:04.540
female place of vague bisexual interest activated
by interpersonal connection, rather than

00:23:04.540 --> 00:23:06.490
intense, object-oriented male lust.

00:23:06.490 --> 00:23:07.490
[static]

00:23:07.490 --> 00:23:12.330
So that’s my attempt to describe my sexual
history without resorting to politically correct

00:23:12.330 --> 00:23:16.200
cuckoldry or trans ideology.

00:23:16.200 --> 00:23:19.600
Now I’ve read enough Blanchard to know that
this description does not by any means let

00:23:19.600 --> 00:23:21.400
me off the hook for autogynephilia.

00:23:21.400 --> 00:23:27.410
In fact, I’m what Blanchard would call a
classic case of pseudo-bisexual behavioral

00:23:27.410 --> 00:23:28.910
autogynephilia.

00:23:28.910 --> 00:23:33.420
Pseudo-bisexual because of course all of trans
women’s experiences are lies and because

00:23:33.420 --> 00:23:37.160
according to Blanchard I only like guys because
being filled up with their dicks makes me

00:23:37.170 --> 00:23:39.780
feel like a girl, which is what I’m really
into.

00:23:39.790 --> 00:23:44.880
And behavioral because Blanchard describes
different kinds of autogynephilia, like anatomical,

00:23:44.880 --> 00:23:50.540
behavioral, transvestic, physiological, according
to what you supposedly fetishize, and I’m

00:23:50.540 --> 00:23:54.840
turned on by sexually behaving like a woman
rather than simply wearing female clothes

00:23:54.840 --> 00:23:55.950
or having female anatomy.

00:23:55.950 --> 00:24:00.920
And I mean, okay, you can slap a Greek word
on anything and make it sound scary, fake,

00:24:00.920 --> 00:24:06.000
and pathological, but I think this is an especially
unfair way to characterize my experience,

00:24:06.000 --> 00:24:07.060
and here’s why.

00:24:08.930 --> 00:24:11.760
7: Autophilia in General

00:24:11.770 --> 00:24:16.150
I’m guessing most people would be pretty
reluctant to admit they take any kind of sexual

00:24:16.150 --> 00:24:17.490
interest in their own bodies.

00:24:17.490 --> 00:24:20.870
It’s sort of like admitting you enjoy your
own body odor.

00:24:20.870 --> 00:24:21.870
Ew.

00:24:21.870 --> 00:24:26.410
But how unusual is it to check yourself out,
to take some sexual interest in the sight

00:24:26.410 --> 00:24:27.860
or touch of your own body?

00:24:27.860 --> 00:24:33.810
I’ve noticed cis men seem to really like
their own penises, and taking pictures of their

00:24:33.810 --> 00:24:37.620
penises, and sending them to other
peeople.

00:24:37.620 --> 00:24:42.000
Does that make them autoandrophiles? Are they behavioral autophallophiles?

00:24:42.000 --> 00:24:44.380
I can make up Greek words too, Blanchard.

00:24:44.380 --> 00:24:49.100
I know a cis woman who, having just bought
some expensive lingerie, told me, “It’s

00:24:49.100 --> 00:24:51.130
not for men, it’s for me.”

00:24:51.130 --> 00:24:52.180
What does that mean?

00:24:52.180 --> 00:24:57.090
It means she just liked wearing sexy lingerie
under her clothes because it made her feel

00:24:57.090 --> 00:24:58.090
hot.

00:24:58.090 --> 00:25:00.160
Is that cisvestic autogynephilia?

00:25:00.160 --> 00:25:04.090
Likewise I used to date cis women, I know
what they do.

00:25:04.090 --> 00:25:08.760
And I can tell you that women touching
their own breasts during sex or while masturbating

00:25:08.760 --> 00:25:10.620
is not at all uncommon.

00:25:10.620 --> 00:25:13.190
Is that anatomical autogynephilia?

00:25:13.190 --> 00:25:18.151
Twitter user NathanOfOz pointed out that in
the October 2017 issue of Cosmo, an article

00:25:18.151 --> 00:25:23.630
on self-love tips recommends that its apparently
cis female readers try stroking their own

00:25:23.630 --> 00:25:28.980
feet or running a feather over their skin
as a prelude to kneeling in front of a full-length

00:25:28.980 --> 00:25:33.620
mirror and rubbing one out, possibly while
squatting on a dildo.

00:25:33.620 --> 00:25:37.460
Can you imagine the level of paraphilic male
fetishism that would be read into this

00:25:37.460 --> 00:25:39.000
if it were written by a trans woman?

00:25:39.000 --> 00:25:42.700
I mean it’s one step away from filming yourself
fucking a sex robot.

00:25:42.700 --> 00:25:48.000
And okay, Cosmo’s sex advice is often ludicrous,
but the point is it seems like it’s only

00:25:48.000 --> 00:25:51.620
with trans women where we feel the need to
whip out the suffix “-philia.”

00:25:51.620 --> 00:25:56.340
It seems what’s going on here is a lot of
pathologizing of normal female sexuality when

00:25:56.340 --> 00:25:57.900
it exists in trans women.

00:25:57.900 --> 00:26:02.580
But of course that raises the question what
is normal female sexuality?

00:26:05.020 --> 00:26:07.620
8: normal female sexuality

00:26:07.620 --> 00:26:11.990
Switching from male to female hormones causes
your sex drive to be completely obliterated

00:26:11.990 --> 00:26:16.280
and then regrown in a new form, which came
as more of a relief than I expected.

00:26:16.280 --> 00:26:20.190
I don’t think I realized the extent to which
I felt like my own sexuality felt like

00:26:20.190 --> 00:26:25.510
a demonic possession or alien infection until
I was free of it, thank God.

00:26:25.510 --> 00:26:29.660
When I had male hormones in me I needed to
have an orgasm like every day, I was turned

00:26:29.660 --> 00:26:34.820
on mainly by visual arousal cues, I was at
a Kinsey 1 relative to my birth sex, and I

00:26:34.820 --> 00:26:40.750
had a couple mild typical straight-guy paraphilic
kinks—no not autogynephilia.

00:26:40.750 --> 00:26:45.130
On female hormones I initially had no sex
drive at all but have started developing very

00:26:45.130 --> 00:26:46.960
different patterns of arousal.

00:26:46.960 --> 00:26:52.340
For instance, I never need to have an orgasm,
I’m turned on mainly by interpersonal cues

00:26:52.340 --> 00:26:58.020
like intimate physical contact or close emotional
moments, I’m at around a 70/30 attraction

00:26:58.020 --> 00:27:02.651
to women vs men, and the paraphilic kinks
have vanished without a trace.

00:27:02.651 --> 00:27:07.850
Oh by the way for the pharmacologists at home
this is 6mg estradiol and 200 mg spironolactone

00:27:07.850 --> 00:27:08.850
daily.

00:27:08.850 --> 00:27:13.300
So my interpretation of all this is that I
now have what is a pretty typical female sexuality,

00:27:13.300 --> 00:27:15.080
at least for a girl who’s into girls.

00:27:15.080 --> 00:27:19.710
I don’t feel like I have some essentially
male pseudo-bisexual behavioral autogynephilia.

00:27:19.710 --> 00:27:24.360
One of the reasons why Blanchard has to come
up with elaborate terminology like this is

00:27:24.360 --> 00:27:28.620
that he takes as foundational the presupposition
that trans women are psychologically more

00:27:28.620 --> 00:27:30.540
like cis men than like cis women.

00:27:30.540 --> 00:27:35.010
His studies therefore a lack cis female control
group, meaning he didn’t bother to apply

00:27:35.010 --> 00:27:37.600
his autogynephilia survey to cis women.

00:27:37.600 --> 00:27:41.990
But if he had, as Charles Moser did in 2009,
he might have found that many of them were

00:27:41.990 --> 00:27:43.750
classified as autogynephilic.

00:27:43.750 --> 00:27:49.570
Blanchard’s insistence on classifying trans
women’s sexuality as a variant on male sexuality

00:27:49.570 --> 00:27:54.650
makes it seem paraphilic and unusual that
trans women want to have sex as women.

00:27:54.650 --> 00:27:57.960
But how do cis women want to have sex, as
walruses?

00:27:57.960 --> 00:27:59.370
I mean no judgments.

00:27:59.370 --> 00:28:06.010
This also explains his claim that non-exclusively-androphilic
trans women are “pseudo-bisexual” because

00:28:06.010 --> 00:28:09.370
their attraction to men does not resemble gay
male attraction to men.

00:28:09.370 --> 00:28:13.950
The idea is that these trans women’s
attraction to men is not based on

00:28:13.950 --> 00:28:19.270
raw physical lust, so it is
unlike gay male attraction to men, and is

00:28:19.270 --> 00:28:24.440
therefore “pseudo,” that is, it’s really
an autogynephilic fantasy where the man is just

00:28:24.440 --> 00:28:25.440
a prop.

00:28:25.440 --> 00:28:28.120
But what about straight cis women’s attraction
to men?

00:28:28.120 --> 00:28:31.500
Is that based on raw physical lust for the
male body?

00:28:31.500 --> 00:28:36.180
I mean sometimes it probably is, and I'm not a cis woman so I can't really say.

00:28:36.180 --> 00:28:41.670
But I kind of suspect that cis female
heterosexuality is not best described as raw

00:28:41.670 --> 00:28:43.920
physical lust for the male body.

00:28:43.920 --> 00:28:49.200
That is, I suspect it’s quite different
from cis male homosexuality, if I may risk

00:28:49.200 --> 00:28:51.040
painting with broad strokes.

00:28:51.040 --> 00:28:55.530
Take the case of Playgirl magazine, which
at its peak published feminist articles alongside

00:28:55.530 --> 00:28:59.880
naked hunks but never had the circulation
of its male counterpart, and later on ended

00:28:59.880 --> 00:29:01.980
up just being read by gay men.

00:29:01.980 --> 00:29:06.231
From the perspective of female sexuality,
I mean men’s bodies are nice, they have

00:29:06.231 --> 00:29:10.690
great hands, great abs, great this part, that’s
all great.

00:29:10.690 --> 00:29:12.460
But it’s not that great.

00:29:12.460 --> 00:29:16.700
And if you read pornography written by women—and
notice that it’s usually written and not

00:29:16.700 --> 00:29:21.850
photographed—you don't find a predominant
focus on vivid descriptions of male bodies.

00:29:21.850 --> 00:29:26.290
Like in 50 Shades of Grey (which I read for
research purposes) there’s some description

00:29:26.290 --> 00:29:30.710
of Christian’s hot bod and his hot abs,
but it’s not the main thing by any means.

00:29:30.710 --> 00:29:32.590
There’s a lot more sentences like:

00:29:32.590 --> 00:29:37.160
“To the right is an imposing U-shaped sofa
that could seat 10 adults comfortably.”

00:29:37.160 --> 00:29:43.880
“It faces a state of the art stainless steel—or
maybe platinum for all I know—modern fireplace.”

00:29:43.880 --> 00:29:48.870
“Near the kitchen area in front of the glass
wall is a dining table surrounded by sixteen

00:29:48.870 --> 00:29:49.870
chairs.”

00:29:49.870 --> 00:29:54.500
“And tucked in the corner is a full-sized
shiny black grand piano.”

00:29:54.500 --> 00:29:57.460
“’Here’ he hands me a glass of wine.

00:29:57.460 --> 00:29:59.280
Even the glasses are rich.

00:29:59.280 --> 00:30:01.020
Heavy, contemporary crystal.

00:30:01.020 --> 00:30:03.240
It’s like a Crate & Barrel catalog.

00:30:03.240 --> 00:30:04.940
I’m getting so wet.

00:30:04.940 --> 00:30:09.970
Christian is established as a man of good
taste as evinced by his contemporary crystal,

00:30:09.970 --> 00:30:12.100
his playing Bachhhhh at the piano.

00:30:12.100 --> 00:30:16.170
And that’s hot, because it’s sexy to be
wanted by someone who’s qualified.

00:30:16.170 --> 00:30:21.020
It’s not enough to be whistled at by a catcaller,
they have no discernment, I mean they whistle

00:30:21.020 --> 00:30:24.590
at anything that looks vaguely female, 
they whistle at me.

00:30:24.590 --> 00:30:28.210
And I don’t want to be whistled at by the
kind of person who would whistle at me.

00:30:28.210 --> 00:30:32.570
You want to be wanted by someone who with
their exquisite and discriminating taste selects

00:30:32.570 --> 00:30:34.390
you, the protagonist.

00:30:34.390 --> 00:30:37.850
This is not a story about Christian’s rippling
abs and his tight buns.

00:30:37.850 --> 00:30:43.750
It’s not a story about wanting a man, it’s
a story about being wanted by a man.

00:30:43.750 --> 00:30:46.450
This is how the whole romance genre works.

00:30:46.450 --> 00:30:51.011
You emotionally identify with the female protagonist,
then you meet the sexy bad boy who’s like

00:30:51.011 --> 00:30:56.550
a pirate or the CEO of Business Incorporated,
and then the hot part is just how badly this

00:30:56.550 --> 00:31:02.110
guy wants you, the protagonist, usually singling
her out over other more qualified women, and

00:31:02.110 --> 00:31:05.950
eventually giving up everything he loves to
settle down and make babies with her.

00:31:05.950 --> 00:31:10.410
And a lot of these stories are kind of silly,
they conflate female sexuality with women’s

00:31:10.410 --> 00:31:16.970
economic dependence on men in a way that’s
really problematic, but I fundamentally resonate

00:31:16.970 --> 00:31:18.660
with the wish to be wanted.

00:31:18.660 --> 00:31:21.460
I want other people to think I’m sexy and
want to fuck me.

00:31:21.460 --> 00:31:22.460
You know.

00:31:22.460 --> 00:31:25.530
It makes me feel like I have value and it
fills up the terrible void inside.

00:31:25.530 --> 00:31:26.560
Is that so wrong?

00:31:28.680 --> 00:31:31.320
9: Female Vanity

00:31:31.320 --> 00:31:36.090
The art critic John Berger wrote in his book
Ways of Seeing about the European oil painting

00:31:36.090 --> 00:31:41.000
trope of depicting a nude woman with a mirror,
and calling the painting Vanity.

00:31:41.500 --> 00:31:44.960
The mirror was often used as a symbol of the vanity of women.

00:31:44.960 --> 00:31:47.540
The moralizing, however, was mostly hypocritical.

00:31:47.540 --> 00:31:51.020
You painted a naked woman because you enjoyed looking at her.

00:31:51.020 --> 00:31:54.460
You put a mirror in her hand and you called the painting "vanity,"

00:31:54.460 --> 00:31:58.680
thus condemning the woman whose nakedness you depicted for your own pleasure.

00:31:58.680 --> 00:32:05.880
The real function of the mirror was otherwise. It was to make the woman connive in treating herself as, first and foremost, a sight.

00:32:05.880 --> 00:32:10.910
The notion of the vanity of women is a misogynistic
trope that originates in male projection.

00:32:10.910 --> 00:32:16.370
It is the assumption that women enjoy looking
at themselves in the same way that men enjoy

00:32:16.370 --> 00:32:20.190
looking at them, and are therefore complicit
in their own objectification.

00:32:20.190 --> 00:32:24.810
I think that the concept of the autogynephilic
transsexual woman is a combination of this

00:32:24.810 --> 00:32:27.320
trope with a homophobic trope.

00:32:27.320 --> 00:32:32.770
Misogyny casts women as narcissistic, vain,
in love with themselves, and homophobia casts

00:32:32.770 --> 00:32:35.260
queer men as hypersexual perverts.

00:32:35.260 --> 00:32:40.060
The autogynephile is the ultimate combination
of the two: the hypersexual pervert vainly

00:32:40.060 --> 00:32:43.080
in love with the image of himself as a woman.

00:32:43.320 --> 00:32:46.480
♫ Myself I shall adore

00:32:46.480 --> 00:32:49.300
♫ If I persist in ga-a-a-a

00:32:50.440 --> 00:32:52.380
♫ a-a-a-a-a-a

00:32:54.700 --> 00:32:56.640
10: Autogynephilia acceptance

00:32:56.650 --> 00:33:01.220
So this whole video I’ve been treating autogynephilia 
kind of like an accusation from which I have

00:33:01.220 --> 00:33:02.810
to exonerate myself.

00:33:02.810 --> 00:33:06.870
And I think that’s justifiable considering
I’m objecting to misrepresentation, but

00:33:06.870 --> 00:33:11.560
some people might wonder, isn’t this whole
conversation getting kind of kink shame-y?

00:33:11.560 --> 00:33:13.250
Is autogynephilia so wrong?

00:33:13.250 --> 00:33:14.270
Well, no.

00:33:14.270 --> 00:33:15.280
It’s not.

00:33:15.280 --> 00:33:16.300
It’s fine.

00:33:16.300 --> 00:33:20.360
There definitely are men who get turned on
by wearing women’s clothes or thinking about

00:33:20.360 --> 00:33:25.200
having a female body, and as paraphilias
go this is very harmless and I don’t think

00:33:25.200 --> 00:33:26.310
it’s anything to be ashamed of.

00:33:26.310 --> 00:33:30.990
But the question of whether genuinely autogynephilic
trans women exist is more complicated.

00:33:30.990 --> 00:33:35.570
The reason most trans women consider the label
“autogynephilia” to be such a stigma is

00:33:35.570 --> 00:33:40.950
that, as Blanchard says, women do not get
turned on merely by the thought of being women.

00:33:40.950 --> 00:33:45.270
Now, as I’ve discussed, the problem with
Blanchard is he over-extends the concept of

00:33:45.270 --> 00:33:49.680
autogynephilia to cover pretty much any
sexual feeling that a Cluster B trans woman

00:33:49.680 --> 00:33:50.680
can have.

00:33:50.680 --> 00:33:54.840
But I’m actually inclined to agree with
him that being turned on merely by the thought

00:33:54.840 --> 00:34:00.630
of being a woman is a fundamentally non-female
state of mind, and one that feels quite foreign

00:34:00.630 --> 00:34:01.630
to me.

00:34:01.630 --> 00:34:04.820
So a lot of trans women, I guess including
me, have this idea that you can’t be both

00:34:04.820 --> 00:34:09.530
a woman and an autogynephile, hence the
offense we take to being characterized in

00:34:09.530 --> 00:34:10.530
this way.

00:34:10.530 --> 00:34:12.929
However, things gets messier when you look
into this some more.

00:34:12.929 --> 00:34:16.139
Are there some genuinely autogynephilic transsexuals?

00:34:16.139 --> 00:34:18.579
Well at first glance the answer is yes.

00:34:18.579 --> 00:34:20.720
I mean there’s always one isn’t there.

00:34:20.720 --> 00:34:25.200
In this case that one is Anne Lawrence, a
disciple of Blanchard and a self-identified

00:34:25.200 --> 00:34:26.960
autogynephilic transsexual.

00:34:26.960 --> 00:34:33.040
From 1998 to 2011, Lawrence collected 249
anonymous accounts of autogynephilia over

00:34:33.040 --> 00:34:38.470
the Internet and published them in her 2012
book Men Trapped in Men’s Bodies.

00:34:38.470 --> 00:34:44.589
Great title Anne, very provocative, very controversial,
very politically incorrect, I have been triggered,

00:34:44.589 --> 00:34:45.589
well done.

00:34:45.589 --> 00:34:47.059
What is this cover though?

00:34:47.059 --> 00:34:48.059
Come on, Anne.

00:34:48.059 --> 00:34:50.460
Get a statue of Hermaphroditus or something
on there.

00:34:50.460 --> 00:34:55.339
So this book is filled with stories of trans
women who have a past or present of pretty

00:34:55.339 --> 00:34:57.430
autogyenphilia-like fantasy and behavior.

00:34:57.430 --> 00:34:59.030
So what do we make of that?

00:34:59.030 --> 00:35:03.380
Well, a lot of this stuff, like fantasies
of being women or having sex as women,

00:35:03.380 --> 00:35:08.260
or arousal during cross-dressing, are what
the trans community has destigmatizingly termed

00:35:08.260 --> 00:35:10.329
“cross-sex gender fantasy.”

00:35:10.329 --> 00:35:15.250
And among trans women, particularly prior
to transition, this kind of thing is pretty

00:35:15.250 --> 00:35:16.250
common.

00:35:16.250 --> 00:35:20.750
You’ll see it all over the trans subreddits,
there’s blog called cross dreamers devoted

00:35:20.750 --> 00:35:24.390
to it, it’s been written about by Zinnia
Jones and Julia Serano.

00:35:24.390 --> 00:35:28.520
So within the trans community this isn’t
even controversial, it’s not provocative,

00:35:28.520 --> 00:35:30.710
it’s not politically incorrect.

00:35:30.710 --> 00:35:32.109
But how do we make sense of this?

00:35:32.109 --> 00:35:37.190
Well, my thinking is that it’s hard to experience
genuine female sexuality when you still have

00:35:37.190 --> 00:35:39.720
the evil magic of testosterone in your system.

00:35:39.720 --> 00:35:44.140
So you’ve got to get that out, and then this paraphilic stuff tends to go away.

00:35:44.140 --> 00:35:47.119
But how is this any different from Blanchard’s
theory of autogynephilia?

00:35:47.119 --> 00:35:52.369
Well basically it comes down to this: Blanchard’s
theory claims that cross-sex gender fantasy

00:35:52.369 --> 00:35:55.170
or arousal is causal and essential.

00:35:55.170 --> 00:35:59.780
In this theory if you’re an autogynephilic
transsexual you are essentially male, and

00:35:59.780 --> 00:36:04.789
any facsimile of womanhood you attain can
only be honestly understood as the expression

00:36:04.789 --> 00:36:06.819
of an essentially male sexual urge.

00:36:06.819 --> 00:36:09.559
I reject the idea that it’s causal or essential.

00:36:09.559 --> 00:36:13.420
And I think the strongest piece of evidence
that it isn't essential is that even the

00:36:13.420 --> 00:36:18.799
rare trans women who identify
as autogynephilic admit that after transition the cross-sex

00:36:18.799 --> 00:36:22.799
fantasy and arousal vanishes,
yet they continue to prefer living as trans

00:36:22.799 --> 00:36:23.799
women.

00:36:23.799 --> 00:36:25.789
Blanchard made this observation himself:

00:36:25.789 --> 00:36:30.640
“Any viable theory relating to the etiologies
of autogynephilia and transsexualism must

00:36:30.640 --> 00:36:35.410
explain the following well-established observation:
Gender dysphoria, in young nonhomosexual males,

00:36:35.410 --> 00:36:40.390
usually appears along with, or subsequent
to, autogynephilia; in later years, however,

00:36:40.390 --> 00:36:44.220
autogynephilic sexual arousal may diminish
or disappear, while the transsexual wish remains

00:36:44.220 --> 00:36:45.619
or grows even stronger…

00:36:45.619 --> 00:36:49.650
The same conclusion is suggested by the fact
that surgical castration and estrogen treatment—which

00:36:49.650 --> 00:36:53.069
decrease libido in gender dysphorics as in
other men—usually have no effect on the

00:36:53.069 --> 00:36:56.029
desire to live as female or the resolve to
remain in that role.”

00:36:56.029 --> 00:37:00.640
If these trans women are essentially men with
a paraphilic desire to become women, why would

00:37:00.640 --> 00:37:05.069
they they continue preferring to live as women after the
paraphilic desires go away?

00:37:05.069 --> 00:37:07.819
Well, this is where things get really weird.

00:37:07.819 --> 00:37:12.049
According to Blanchard and Lawrence, the only
way to explain this is to shift the goal post

00:37:12.049 --> 00:37:18.690
and say that actually, autogynephilia isn’t
a paraphilia at all, it’s actually a sexual orientation.

00:37:18.690 --> 00:37:22.940
So what happens when you transition is you
actually pair-bond with yourself, forming

00:37:22.940 --> 00:37:26.799
a kind of stale, sexless marriage with the
woman you’ve become.

00:37:26.799 --> 00:37:30.720
And if that sounds like it doesn’t make
any goddamn sense at all, it’s because it

00:37:30.720 --> 00:37:31.720
doesn’t.

00:37:31.720 --> 00:37:34.579
A pair bond is a social relationship between
two or more people.

00:37:34.580 --> 00:37:38.240
Are you saying that trans women are a man
and woman inside the same—

00:37:38.460 --> 00:37:40.940
Why do they continue falling in love
with other people...

00:37:41.140 --> 00:37:42.120
I can’t even start with this.

00:37:42.120 --> 00:37:44.220
This video’s too long, I’m getting cranky.

00:37:44.220 --> 00:37:47.580
Look this seems like the point where Occam’s
razor shuts down Blanchard’s theory.

00:37:47.580 --> 00:37:52.549
Like okay maybe I subconsciously created
a female alter ego with which my original

00:37:52.549 --> 00:37:54.470
male ego has fallen in love.

00:37:54.470 --> 00:37:56.279
But maybe lots of things.

00:37:56.279 --> 00:38:00.049
Maybe I subconsciously want to become my mother
so I can fuck my father.

00:38:00.049 --> 00:38:04.369
Maybe the elder gods ripped my primordial
duality in twain and now I’m yearning for

00:38:04.369 --> 00:38:05.579
my female half.

00:38:05.580 --> 00:38:08.920
Or maybe I’m just a woman who wants someone
to fuck me every once in a while.

00:38:11.309 --> 00:38:13.759
11: True Autogynephiles

00:38:13.759 --> 00:38:18.589
Among the narratives recorded in Lawrence’s
book there are admittedly a few accounts of

00:38:18.589 --> 00:38:23.410
trans women whose primary sexuality and motivation
throughout their transition does appear to

00:38:23.410 --> 00:38:24.549
be genuinely autogynephilic.

00:38:24.549 --> 00:38:28.809
And I’m not going to say that these people
are lying about their experiences because

00:38:28.809 --> 00:38:31.440
that would be a terrible thing to do.

00:38:31.440 --> 00:38:34.900
Ultimately ContraPoints is not a
channel about judging people.

00:38:34.900 --> 00:38:38.130
So I’m not gonna say that those people aren’t
really trans.

00:38:38.130 --> 00:38:43.140
I mean I find it weird and hard to imagine, but
whatever.

00:38:43.140 --> 00:38:45.180
I’m the one who’s into people licking
milk off my tits.

00:38:45.180 --> 00:38:46.930
And wait till you see my sex robot.

00:38:46.930 --> 00:38:50.849
And look, if I had autogynephilic feelings,
I would just tell you.

00:38:50.849 --> 00:38:54.400
I’ve already admitted to things in this
video that I wouldn’t tell my own diary

00:38:54.400 --> 00:38:55.400
on my deathbed.

00:38:55.400 --> 00:38:56.789
But I just don’t.

00:38:56.789 --> 00:39:00.009
This theory doesn’t describe my conscious
motivations to transition.

00:39:00.009 --> 00:39:04.130
And that’s ultimately the main reason most
trans women hate this theory, not because

00:39:04.130 --> 00:39:06.769
of wounded narcissism or shattered erotic
delusions.

00:39:06.769 --> 00:39:09.559
We just don’t like being misrepresented.

00:39:09.560 --> 00:39:12.040
But you know who does loves the theory?

00:39:12.780 --> 00:39:15.400
She’s been there literally the whole time.

00:39:15.400 --> 00:39:19.359
You know, I realize that by making this video
I’m subjecting myself to a lot ruthless

00:39:19.359 --> 00:39:23.309
psychoanalysis, whether it’s
gonna come from TERF reddit, or trans people

00:39:23.309 --> 00:39:28.190
who are mad at me for even talking about this,
or, who knows, maybe even Blanchard and Bailey

00:39:28.190 --> 00:39:29.290
themselves.

00:39:29.290 --> 00:39:30.290
So you know what?

00:39:30.290 --> 00:39:32.279
Why don’t we just get that out of the way
right now.

00:39:32.279 --> 00:39:35.309
It’s time to put this tranny on trial.

00:39:35.309 --> 00:39:39.300
12: The Autogynephilia Trial of ContraPoints

00:39:39.840 --> 00:39:40.660
All rise.

00:39:40.660 --> 00:39:44.440
The Autogynephilia Department of the Sexology
Court is now in session.

00:39:44.440 --> 00:39:46.460
Judge Bailey presiding.

00:39:46.460 --> 00:39:50.160
Calling the case of the GenderCritical subreddit
versus ContraPoints.

00:39:50.160 --> 00:39:53.819
Are both sides ready?

00:39:53.819 --> 00:39:56.750
District Attourney Cockbane ready for the
subreddit, Your Honor.

00:39:56.750 --> 00:39:58.580
Ready, I guess.

00:39:58.580 --> 00:40:03.270
Your Honor, ladies of the subreddit: the defendant
is a man.

00:40:03.270 --> 00:40:07.320
A full-grown, six-foot, wide-shouldered man
in a dress.

00:40:07.320 --> 00:40:09.319
It’s really more of a hospital gown.

00:40:09.319 --> 00:40:14.109
The evidence will show that the defendant
is not a woman but a male pervert role playing

00:40:14.109 --> 00:40:16.700
as such for his own twisted sexual amusement.

00:40:16.700 --> 00:40:17.700
[brandishes riding crop]

00:40:17.700 --> 00:40:18.700
Abigail what are you holding?

00:40:18.700 --> 00:40:20.319
It’s for horseback riding.

00:40:20.319 --> 00:40:25.309
You honor, I would like to admit into evidence
the following video clip, uploaded to YouTube

00:40:25.309 --> 00:40:28.480
by the defendant on June 13, 2016.

00:40:28.520 --> 00:40:33.880
[drone]

00:40:37.860 --> 00:40:39.020
Oh god.

00:40:39.140 --> 00:40:41.040
Fishnets, garter belts, corsets.

00:40:41.050 --> 00:40:46.150
If these are not the trappings of an autogynephile
then I don’t have two X chromosomes.

00:40:46.150 --> 00:40:47.150
Agreed.

00:40:47.150 --> 00:40:48.819
Well, what you have to say for yourself?

00:40:48.819 --> 00:40:52.109
Well why do you think I owned all that fetish
stuff in the first place?

00:40:52.109 --> 00:40:55.369
The court doesn’t need to hear about your
perverse masturbation rituals.

00:40:55.369 --> 00:40:57.630
I bought that stuff to do Rocky Horror.

00:40:57.630 --> 00:40:58.630
What?

00:40:58.630 --> 00:41:00.190
Rocky Horror Picture Show.

00:41:00.190 --> 00:41:02.259
I used to do Frank-N-Furter.

00:41:02.259 --> 00:41:04.980
Your honor, I’d like to admit into evidence
the following photograph.

00:41:04.980 --> 00:41:07.599
That’s me at E Street Cinema in 2014.

00:41:07.600 --> 00:41:09.880
This one’s on the house KiwiFarms.

00:41:09.880 --> 00:41:12.260
Are you a Rocky Horror fan, your honor?

00:41:12.269 --> 00:41:13.269
Am I??

00:41:13.269 --> 00:41:15.079
It’s just a jump to the left!

00:41:15.079 --> 00:41:19.260
♫ And then a step to the right.

00:41:19.260 --> 00:41:20.299
Put your hands on your hips!

00:41:21.300 --> 00:41:24.240
♫ And bring your knees in tight

00:41:24.380 --> 00:41:27.180
♫ But it’s the pelvic thrust

00:41:27.240 --> 00:41:28.240
Ew.

00:41:28.240 --> 00:41:30.460
So you liked to dress up as another cross-dressing
autogynephile.

00:41:30.580 --> 00:41:32.460
How is that helping your case at all?

00:41:32.460 --> 00:41:37.730
Well, I know Rocky Horror is problematic but
when you’re living as a man there aren’t

00:41:37.730 --> 00:41:41.500
a lot of socially acceptable occasions to
try out cross-dressing.

00:41:41.500 --> 00:41:46.330
You know it’s basically Rocky Horror, Halloween, pretty much any time it’s socially allowed

00:41:46.330 --> 00:41:47.920
to be a freakish monster.

00:41:47.930 --> 00:41:51.990
And come to think of it the scary monster
autogynephile is a trope I’ve played with

00:41:51.990 --> 00:41:54.010
since the beginning of this channel.

00:41:54.010 --> 00:41:58.220
The whole ContraPoints aesthetic is very like
autogynephilia chic.

00:41:58.220 --> 00:42:02.910
I originally was going to have the narrator
of this channel be more of a fictional character,

00:42:02.910 --> 00:42:06.390
the idea was to be like autogynephile Harry
Plinkett.

00:42:06.390 --> 00:42:10.720
And part of that was that I kind of hated myself and
I thought I was just disgusting, and part

00:42:10.720 --> 00:42:15.450
of it was that representing yourself as a scary monster
actually does capture something of the horror

00:42:15.450 --> 00:42:21.840
of gender dysphoria, and part of it is that
identifying with the scary monster version of yourself

00:42:21.860 --> 00:42:23.500
is actually kind of empowering.

00:42:23.500 --> 00:42:26.820
Like cis feminists, you have your
thing about witches.

00:42:26.839 --> 00:42:30.839
Okay but monster version or not, real women
do not wear fishnets and garter

00:42:30.839 --> 00:42:31.950
belts and corsets.

00:42:31.950 --> 00:42:32.970
This is just male fetishism.

00:42:32.970 --> 00:42:37.580
Well it’s true that cis women generally
don’t dress that way, no. I mean,

00:42:37.580 --> 00:42:38.859
unless they’re doing Rocky Horror.

00:42:38.859 --> 00:42:39.890
It’s actually pretty popular.

00:42:39.890 --> 00:42:41.960
But I never wear shit like that any
more.

00:42:41.960 --> 00:42:46.260
In fact it actually causes dysphoria because
it makes me feel like a male crossdresser.

00:42:46.400 --> 00:42:50.940
Sometimes trans women start out with a fairly
male conception of what women wear, I guess

00:42:50.940 --> 00:42:51.940
that’s true.

00:42:51.940 --> 00:42:56.740
A lot of trans women transition after period
of sort of trying things out as a cross-dresser

00:42:56.740 --> 00:42:58.160
or a drag queen.

00:42:58.160 --> 00:43:01.490
But you know it takes time to develop an authentic
sense of female fashion.

00:43:01.490 --> 00:43:05.020
Like, what did you wear when you were 14?

00:43:05.020 --> 00:43:08.580
♫ Wake me up inside

00:43:09.309 --> 00:43:11.220
That’s what I thought.

00:43:11.220 --> 00:43:14.990
But also, why not steal fashion ideas from
drag queens and kinksters?

00:43:14.990 --> 00:43:16.009
Cis women do.

00:43:16.009 --> 00:43:17.670
They have some good ideas.

00:43:17.670 --> 00:43:21.420
Without drag queens and kinksters we’d have
no contouring, no chokers.

00:43:21.420 --> 00:43:24.670
And what would we do then, Abigail, what we
do then?

00:43:24.670 --> 00:43:26.640
I don’t know what you would do, I think
I’d manage.

00:43:26.940 --> 00:43:29.780
Your Honor, I’d like to admit into evidence
the following clip.

00:43:30.260 --> 00:43:32.740
Is there a way to smash my ribs in?

00:43:32.750 --> 00:43:36.730
I’ll smash ‘em in, I’ll smash the shit
of of ‘em.

00:43:36.730 --> 00:43:37.730
These shoes are cute.

00:43:37.730 --> 00:43:41.400
And I'll finally be able to hit my head on the tops
of door frames.

00:43:41.400 --> 00:43:43.210
Would you fuck me?

00:43:43.210 --> 00:43:45.040
I wouldn’t?

00:43:45.040 --> 00:43:49.140
Your honor, the defendant literally tries
on high heels and corsets in front of a

00:43:49.150 --> 00:43:53.160
mirror before posing to himself the question,
“Would you fuck me?”

00:43:53.160 --> 00:43:56.500
This, your honor, is peak trans.

00:43:56.500 --> 00:43:58.760
Peak trans!

00:43:58.760 --> 00:44:02.579
Peak trans!

00:44:02.579 --> 00:44:04.530
How do we even need to have a trial about
this?

00:44:04.530 --> 00:44:08.450
Well, that scene depicts a kind of anguish,
not sexual pleasure.

00:44:08.450 --> 00:44:12.660
“Would you fuck me” is obviously a reference
to Silence of the Lambs and is what is known

00:44:12.660 --> 00:44:14.930
in the trans community as a “joke.”

00:44:14.930 --> 00:44:20.109
The corsets, the high heels, these were primitive
efforts at clawing my way out of manhood.

00:44:20.109 --> 00:44:21.890
And they’re efforts that I’ve left behind.

00:44:21.890 --> 00:44:25.680
Now that I’m on female hormones, now that
I live this way full time, I feel the way

00:44:25.680 --> 00:44:29.030
I’m supposed to feel, and I don’t need
to lean on that stuff for validation.

00:44:29.030 --> 00:44:31.650
I mean I still do things that cis women don’t
do.

00:44:31.650 --> 00:44:35.420
I sleep in a bra, which I’m pretty sure
no cis woman has ever done.

00:44:35.420 --> 00:44:40.369
I do it because I need to feel something,
God, anything, taking up space on my chest.

00:44:40.369 --> 00:44:43.270
And feeling that reassures me enough that
I can fall asleep.

00:44:43.270 --> 00:44:47.280
Not so I can look at myself in the mirror,
not so I can get off, so I can simply fall

00:44:47.280 --> 00:44:48.280
asleep.

00:44:48.280 --> 00:44:51.470
No one ever claimed that trans women are literally
exactly the same as cis women.

00:44:51.470 --> 00:44:55.549
We have many things in common but in other
ways we have very different experiences.

00:44:55.549 --> 00:44:58.770
Yes and you don’t have the oppression experiences
that cis women have.

00:44:58.770 --> 00:45:00.119
Well you know what Abigail?

00:45:00.119 --> 00:45:01.320
You’re right.

00:45:01.320 --> 00:45:03.140
For the most part, I don’t.

00:45:03.140 --> 00:45:06.760
But it’s impossible for us to have an actual
conversation about this because you’re just such

00:45:06.760 --> 00:45:07.760
a fucking asshole.

00:45:07.760 --> 00:45:11.960
And if you honestly want to talk about trans
women and oppression experiences, don’t

00:45:11.960 --> 00:45:15.130
have this conversation with someone who started transitioning five months ago.

00:45:15.130 --> 00:45:19.630
Go find someone who transitioned decades
ago, and talk to them about their experience

00:45:19.630 --> 00:45:20.630
as a woman.

00:45:20.630 --> 00:45:22.579
Your honor, the defendant does not bleed.

00:45:22.579 --> 00:45:23.730
I find that pretty conclusive.

00:45:23.730 --> 00:45:25.880
As do I. Guilty as charged!

00:45:26.680 --> 00:45:29.299
13: Final Thoughts

00:45:29.299 --> 00:45:33.819
I think some cis people will be congratulatory
toward me for making this video.

00:45:33.819 --> 00:45:37.730
Some of them will say things like “why can’t
all trans people be as calm and rational

00:45:37.730 --> 00:45:39.759
and open about their experiences as you?”

00:45:39.759 --> 00:45:43.710
Well I’m very happy if you found the video
elucidating, but I’d like cis people to

00:45:43.710 --> 00:45:47.509
think a little harder about why not a lot
of trans women talk about this.

00:45:47.509 --> 00:45:48.509
It’s humiliating.

00:45:48.509 --> 00:45:49.509
It’s exhausting.

00:45:49.509 --> 00:45:54.309
And it’s required me to publicize a detailed
analysis of my most private sexual feelings

00:45:54.309 --> 00:45:56.260
for the scrutiny of people who despise me.

00:45:56.260 --> 00:46:00.680
I’ve had to discuss things that I’m honestly
terrified to discuss because I’m afraid

00:46:00.680 --> 00:46:05.170
that people will never take me seriously as
a woman hence ruining any chance I have at

00:46:05.170 --> 00:46:06.170
happiness.

00:46:06.170 --> 00:46:08.920
For trans women this debate is intensely personal
and risky.

00:46:08.920 --> 00:46:11.009
Our lives and our happiness are at stake.

00:46:11.009 --> 00:46:15.730
Meanwhile Blanchard and Bailey are not just
neutral, devoted pursuers of scientific truth.

00:46:15.730 --> 00:46:20.049
They have been continuously and needlessly
derisive and cruel toward trans people.

00:46:20.049 --> 00:46:24.999
And they've misused their power as academic authorities
to misrepresent and humiliate us.

00:46:24.999 --> 00:46:28.990
No part of my present experience corresponds
to the core claim of their theory.

00:46:28.990 --> 00:46:33.650
I may drape myself in a hundred layers of
defensive irony and depravity, but I am at

00:46:33.650 --> 00:46:38.150
core a woman who is very thoroughly not in
love with myself.

00:46:38.150 --> 00:46:42.999
So I have to hope for the sake of my own happiness
that someday I will be loved by someone who

00:46:42.999 --> 00:46:44.670
thinks of me as a woman.

00:46:44.670 --> 00:46:46.470
Otherwise I’m fucked.

00:46:46.470 --> 00:46:48.799
This has been a rough one girls.

00:46:48.800 --> 00:46:51.440
I daresay you’ve earned a song.

00:46:51.440 --> 00:46:55.040
[♫ “Three Times A Lady”]

00:46:55.040 --> 00:47:02.360
♫ Thanks for the times that you’ve given
me

00:47:03.440 --> 00:47:11.140
♫The memories are all on 
my mind

00:47:11.620 --> 00:47:20.540
♫But now that we’ve come to the end of
our rainbow

00:47:20.540 --> 00:47:27.160
♫There’s something I must say out loud

00:47:33.120 --> 00:47:38.420
♫You’re once
♫Twice

00:47:38.420 --> 00:47:48.580
♫Three times a lady
♫And I love you

00:47:48.580 --> 00:47:54.400
♫Yes I do
♫Yes you’re once

00:47:54.400 --> 00:48:02.299
♫Twice
♫Three times a lady

00:48:02.300 --> 00:48:11.820
♫And I love you
♫Yes I do

00:48:11.820 --> 00:48:17.740
♫And I love you

00:48:20.200 --> 00:48:21.760
Oh, one more time!

00:48:22.980 --> 00:48:26.200
♫And take a step to the right

00:48:26.200 --> 00:48:27.840
Put your hands on your hips!

00:48:27.840 --> 00:48:35.660
♫And bring your knees in tight
♫But it’s the pelvic thrust

00:48:35.660 --> 00:48:45.100
♫That really drives me insane
♫Let’s do the time warp again

00:48:45.100 --> 00:48:50.300
♫Let’s do the time warp again